Kevin Porter

Figuratively, I have been running away from my parents in the recent past. I have essentially abandoned the ideals, principles, and other things that I had been taught and took for granted. I always thought that the statement “ignorance is bliss” was a little funny, but I now truly appreciate the statement. Along with my venture to attain truth, I have come to the realization that truth might not be fun to live with, necessarily. I will expound on this.

Although I would expect that any maturing teenager will at some point dump certain ideals that his or her parents taught him or her, I have been told by many a friend and confidant that I have gone above and beyond the call of the typical teenager’s idea rebellion. Anyhow, you might say that I have categorically ignored the views of my parents and have been searching for the most logical, rational ideas to follow politically, philosophically, and otherwise. This has taken me places that not too long ago I could never have imagined myself in. I live in the “Bible-belt” of the American midwest. My parents are conservative evangelical Christians. Not too long ago, I would have gladly proclaimed that I too was a conservative evangelical Christian and damn proud of it. As you can probably imagine, this is no longer the case.

Why did I change my views? One event led me on a chain of events, taking me to where I am now. I had been essentially led to believe that gay people were inferior human beings. I had been taught that sexual orientation determined whether God would forgive or curse you. Once I was enlightened to the moral wrongness of this and the irrationality, I began questioning a lot of other things. It is quite ironic, because the doctrine of “childlike faith” I had so believed in was actually the thing that caused me to lose my “childlike faith.”

Ironically, I am right now sharing a story that I find very personal with essentially anyone who wants to read. But, I feel that honesty is one of the best virtues. So, where do I stand now? I am a libertarian. I believe in the freedom to do whatever one wants, so long that it does not affect humans or other creatures negatively. Religiously, I am currently in a bit of a conundrum. I thought I had no faith, but having read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, I realized that I did have faith in God and the Bible still. Now, I cannot say. It is certainly tough, and I will as I always do choose the answer that makes the most logical, rational, and scientific sense. Having read The God Delusion and The Case for Christ, I definitely have a lot on my plate right now.

I will certainly update later on how my internal religious battle is going, but I will not elude to my current thoughts.

Recently, my life has been relatively monotonous.  I honestly cannot name the most exciting thing I’ve done in the last six months.  Is this something new?  Somewhat.  Is this a problem?  Not really.  So why am I writing about it?  Well, I need to get my thoughts out.  And, quite frankly, this blog is probably my favorite way to do just that.

First of all, what is excitement?  Well, the dictionary definition of “excite” is to “stir up, arouse.”  However, I suppose the connotative meaning of it has developed into something different.  ”Excitement” now seems to imply a joyful, fun meaning.  I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that, I just wanted to make clear what I meant by “excitement.”  In essence, I mean that nothing has evoked anything extremely joyful recently.  Again, there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with that.

Some of you now might think I’m depressed and becoming apathetic.  This is not true in the slightest.  I guess the best way to describe it is that I’m becoming comfortable. An odd thought for me, as when I think about it, I’ve never been truly comfortable in my life before.  I’m not saying that I used to be unhappy, but what I am saying is that for the first time since I can remember, life isn’t nearly as turbulent.  As a result, however, the actual excitement level has gone down.

At this point, you may be wondering what my point is.  I’ll try to communicate this as eloquently as I can.  My point is, it is a bit depressing to look back on the last several weeks (or even months) and see that I come home every day, and do the same things.  And I am always perfectly happy with that.  As I said, I have become comfortable in my routine, to the point that I subconsciously follow it daily and still find a sense of accomplishment out of it.  And this is where my real problem comes in.

You’ve probably heard the phrase that with youth comes passion, and with age comes wisdom.  I suppose my issue is that currently, I haven’t had an opportunity to use any passion I have for a real, ultimate gain.  My Christian friends tell me that I have my passion for God.  I’m not saying that I am unhappy with that, but what I do mean is that a passion for God is just all too common.  Then my more agnostic/atheist friends will tell me that I have my passion for politics and for people.  Quite frankly, though, as one fifteen year old in a small school where a real sense of indiscriminate compassion is almost looked down upon, it isn’t realistic for me to think that I can pursue this right now.  So where do I focus this passion on instead?  Well, I’ve been floating from different things.  Whether it’s music, photography, art, or school.  As you might be able to assume, it gets boring going through this cycle quite quickly.

What’s my solution?  Well, I’ve taken the position of a student leader of sorts for a trip the freshman and sophomore classes at my school are taking to New Orleans in the fall.  I’ll be taking care of fundraising, and I’ll be working closely with getting arrangements made for lodging and such.  For those of you who don’t care for this kind of thing, I just want to say that there isn’t anything much more fun in life than being able to do something like this.  On a more long-term note, I am taking an SAT to get into a local university (Wright State University, for those interested) and I’ll be taking a class or two there next year.  Unfortunately, I can take only one class in my sophomore year, but I will be able to take several more in my junior and senior years.  Also, I’ve been trying to get students in my school a bit more interested in the more political (i.e. controversial) subjects.  As such, I have a few friends that will be joining me in debate and a few other electives that are similar in nature.  If you couldn’t tell, I have a big grin plastered on my face as I write this.

Finally, where does this all lead me?  Honestly, I might be the most indecisive person on the planet.  I have never been able to pin down something that I am absolutely interested in for a career.  A year ago, I probably would have told you that I wanted to go into computer science or politics (tough choice, right?).  Today, I would tell you that I want to go into journalism (be it writing or photojournalism) or work in the arts somehow (i.e. learn to draw something better than a stick figure).  Although the latter of my most recent desires is largely based on a newfound love of all art that expresses deep emotion, my diverse range of interests makes it extremely difficult to narrow the passion I mentioned earlier to a point where I can make a meaningful difference in any one area.

I’ll conclude this very introspective post with a question and some information on my next few posts.  First, I wanted to let everyone know that I’ve taken up poetry again, and a few new poems I’ve written have been graciously complimented by several folks.  So make sure that you check back in the next few days and I’ll be sure to post a few of them.  Now for my question.  Feel free to ponder this to yourself, or just answer it in the comments.  What does freedom of expression mean?

Why, hello everyone.  Long time no see.  As you might have noticed, I have been basically nonexistent on the interwebs lately.  It’s a long story, and I would probably end up making some excuses, so I really won’t get into it.  However, I do want to discuss what I plan on doing in the upcoming weeks.

First of all, I am finished with using Tumblr as my main blogging platform.  I enjoy its minimalist nature, but it just isn’t the right thing for me.  I found myself missing many of WordPress’s features throughout my little “experiment.”  So yes, I will be moving back to WordPress (maybe for good this time).  I hope you can put up with this problem I have with switching things and changing everything around constantly.  Given the time I would spend probably an hour a day trying to figure out what desktop wallpaper to use, only to change it back moments later.

Although I have been absent from the web, I have not been absent from life (thank goodness).  I still keep up with the news so don’t worry, I still have opinions.  I know you are all relieved.  However, I need a little catching up time for a week or two.  I’ll explain why in a paragraph or two.  And before you ask, I have not just been too lazy to blog.  I have been extremely busy with tests, science fair, and everything else in school so blogging fell by the wayside for a bit.

Now to why I need a while to catch up a bit.  Essentially, my family hit some troubled times a few months back.  My aunt and uncle each had cancer, breast cancer and colon cancer, respectively.  Through the years they have been doing relatively well.  Unfortunately, both of their cancers had been caught late.  Soon after their chemotherapy treatments were over, both cancers came back stronger than ever.  In late June of this year, my aunt was taken to the hospital.  She passed away on July 2.  My uncle was in relatively good condition, and he was on chemotherapy again.  The doctor seemed relatively confident that he could beat the cancer if he kept in good shape.  About three weeks ago, my uncle was rushed to the hospital.  After being sent home, he began to have problems he’d never had before.  Eventually he too passed away, on October 3.  I never knew either my aunt or my uncle very well, but it is a tough time for all of my family regardless.  I’ve missed a few days of school because of this as well, putting me a good deal behind.

As soon as things can get back to normal, I think everyone can expect me to be back on a regular blogging schedule.  Thanks for reading, and please look forward to reading a bit more in the future.